Melt Away

Do you ever feel like your mind is a blank and yet at the same time that it is processing many things? I sort of do today.

This week has been full. I spent it training on my new accounting system. They guys are very smart and are picking up on it quickly. I will leave them with a demo system for two months and then come back in January/February to get them started on this live. (Cross your fingers I hope that the time line works out).

I have been watching a good amount of old Dexter shows...reading books in my down time. Nothing grandiose...yet I feel something building in me. I am not exactly sure what it is.

I have been reading some of the Borders best selling books...it is funny how so many stories and thoughts of others you read in these stories. They all seem to be so disappointing. The reoccurring theme is that we all have this loneliness. This ache in us that we try to manage throughout our life and in the end we die. We are all fundamentally the same whether we are rich or poor...we are deeply looking for someone to truly know us.

I find it interesting how that theme seems to raise itself...because sometimes in my loneliness I feel like I am the only one who is lonely...but truly that isn't true. Everyone is...it just depends on how deeply we feel it or how much we drown it out.

I say that and yet this trip is not near as lonely as other trips...still present but not as bad. Yes, there are people around who I talk to but this world is not me. I don't feel free to just be me and thus it can get lonely.

However, today I walked around outside. It was nice. It was good to just feel alive...to walk through the dirt, mud, trash, and stares of others. To recognize that even if I am not fully known by another person here...it is still good to be alive. To get to see and feel a world that is simply different than my own. To see that even though I may not live in the same type of house, speak the same language, have the same traditions...these people get frustrated, hurt, angry, lonely over the same types of things.

Sometimes, I don't think they are real...all these Africans. I don't think that they really feel like I do. There life is so incomprehensible by me...it is easier to not think they are real. However, that simply is not true. They are just as smart, messy, good, bad, and ignorant as I am. They feel lonely...they feel connected..they fight to live well.

All these thoughts are floating through my head and more...yet, I feel like I am motionless and thoughtless. I feel exhausted. I simply want to melt away tonight...melt into a blissful sleep.

True Extravert

Africa is the same old place. Nothing really has changed. Everything is covered in red dirt. The clean things of this place would be hideously dirty to many people I know. Lots of geckos, lizards, mosquitos, and other fun bugs.

I did see for the first time these tiny little frogs...they were kinda interesting.

This trip I am focusing on training the guys on a new accounting software. I am excited about the software because it will improve a number of issues that I am currently having with quickbooks. However, it is a slightly more complicated system and it only operates over the internet. I was nervous that the internet would not be working and all my plans for this trip would not work out.

Yet, the internet is working fine and the training is going well. I think the guys will figure it out nicely...I even had one turn to me and ask was this on an SQL server bc many of the commands looked like SQL. I was floored...he knew about SQL...well, yes it is on a SQL server and I am very impressed.

The hardest part about this trip is once again how lonely I get. I am a stinkn extravert. At night, I am alone. On the weekends, totally alone. I have brought TV shows and books...but they only last for so long. I have done fairly well but had a few tears fall on Monday after too many days by myself and the internet had gone down so I couldn't even call someone.

Tomorrow, Bob comes. That will be nice to have someone around at night and weekends (and he speaks english)...but Bob is an introvert and needs to be left alone...Yet, that is way better than nobody around so I am still excited.

Off to Africa Again

The last trip was about a year ago. It was such a hard trip for me that it took me quite a while to be ok with going back. I enjoy the people tremendously but often feel isolated and lonely. I think that is caused even more because I get fearful I will get stranded in Africa. A little ridiculous but the truth all the same.

So, I took a year off and hoped that some things would change in my heart. For about two weeks prior to going, I was concerned that I would breakdown prior to going. I usually am so busy that I don't think about it and then it comes time to pack and get on the plane...everything starts to crash. And it can be a downward spiral.

This time I didn't crash as much. I had a few moments but I had a friend with me this time. Usually, all my friends are busy and not around for the packing and chaos of last minute details. It was nice to have a friend help and stop to give me a hug as the tears fell. Then I got on the plane to Paris and can honestly say I am doing ok.

I got a window seat to Paris and had a very nice man sit next to me. Other than my knee hurting from being cramped it was overall good.

Then the flight to Bangui was its usual interesting. They always have sooo much stuff. I am dumbfounded. I thought I was getting an empty seat next to me but the last guy on the plane was my guy. He had a lot of stuff too...so much that he could not find space for it. So, he put it between his legs. Entirely covered the floor. In a flight in the states, this would be against aviation rules...but when going to Africa anything goes. The sucky part was that he had to spread his legs to get it in and invaded my already small and cramped space. The nice thing was that bc he was so uncomfortable he stood in the back for 4 of the 7 hours...I was able to lounge out in my two chairs.

Arrival in Bangui was a little crazier than usual. I didn't bring the normal luggage so I couldn't just tell someone to pick up this bag so I had to wait at the belt to get my stuff. You seriously can't move. You pull out your luggage and there is no where to go. The people are crammed so tight together....and they are so tall compared to me. I was lucky to get a spot at the front. You lug 50 lbs through packed area and try hard to keep your balance. The nice thing is that people were kind enough to help me balance...they can't help it when they are that close together.

Then the guys wanted to fine me for bringing in new tools. So, we just stood there with begging faces until they finally just said ok....it probably helps a little that I can not speak their language...maybe it has nothing to do with it.

I got back to the guest house...said a few hellos and then slept for 4 hours...sometimes a bed even in heat is heavenly.

Soul Enriching

Every once in a while I take a day and just take it as it comes. I don't plan much. I just keep moving slowly and pleasantly doing what I want as I want it.

I find these days very therapeutic and wish every day could be as soul enriching.

I got up around 8:30 and laid in bed until 9. I grabbed a book and cup of tea to go sit on the back porch to read a book about someone traveling the world. Eventually I finished and did a 10 minute meditation...just calming. I decided to then start some laundry and actually get dressed. Fixed my bike that was all messed up due to someone the wrong size riding it. Took a bike ride to get some sushi. Sat outside, ate the sushi, continued the book, had pleasant conversation with a few people, and then rode my bike to my office.

My mind feels good. My body feels good and still tingling from the movement of the bike. My stomach feels refreshed with healthy food (which lately I have not been treating it to anything but grease and fat).

It is a day where I don't try to be something I am not. I am not trying to meet all the deadlines or solve my internal insecurities. Life is simple. No electric car...nature at its best. Honest work to just live. Accepting me as I am...moving with the rhythm of life. Yet still, I am getting a good amount of things done.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could slow down enough to be aware of and enjoy life in such a manner as this every day?

Breathe Deep

Over the past few days, I have found myself struggling deeply with accepting myself. I have been in situations which have dug up very old feelings of having to be someone I am not. Situations that make me feel like it is very unsafe for me to just spell out exactly what I am struggling with, to be honest with what I believe (or don't believe). I have no idea what is truth or not truth. If I voiced all of it, I truly wonder would I be accepted or not. Is my feeling that it would be dangerous to say where I stand on an issue reality...

Almost immediately following these situations, I find myself in the midst of people that are driving me crazy. They aren't being wrong or bad...they are just annoying me. And once someone starts to annoy me, I find that deep down I start judging them. Subconsciously I start viewing myself as better than them.

What an interesting picture. One day I am scared someone will judge me if I let them see me truly and the next day I judge another.

I have fought hard to just reflect on the individuals that are bugging me and to see them truly as they are...in all their beauty, insecurities, desires, and movements. To see all people as struggling to be happy.

I am beginning to think that at the core of each of us is a desire to be happy. I can read it in many books spanning many spiritual journeys and religions. I wonder if people's judgment of others is more from a position of trying to control a situation...to control a situation that has the potential of making someone unhappy. I know that is too simplistic.

What about the sinful nature or those living in sin? (I was literally asked this question).

I don't know the answer. But I feel like that isn't ours to judge...it is God's. We distort that judgment...it becomes so ugly and wrong.

I am rambling...largely I feel like I am breathing deep to accept myself. To love me and in turn love others...to stand firm in who God created me to be and not in what other's think I should be.

Changes

I was nervous to move. I cried often as I said good bye to something I loved. I truly sat in two emotions at the same time. Is that possible? They say not but it sure felt like it. Excitement for something new...sadness for something past.

I moved on June 25. So far I have loved it!!

There are many little shops to sit and eat or drink while reading a book. There is a bike trail that extends way north to downtown Indy that runs right through broad ripple. My office is a 15 minute walk (at my slow leisurely pace). The house has these great mature trees and I am so a forest girl. The backyard is/will be beautiful. It is a little garden. I love to sit there and read a book or meditate. Honestly, I feel like I am in a little European city where I get to walk to everything and sit in cafes.

Get this...friends actually just stop by. They are walking dogs or just out and decide to stop by because they live so close. And the neighbors actually talk to us.

The pace suits me. The environment suits me. Funny...for years I didn't want to come down to Broad Ripple because everyone else was doing it...I wanted to be me. The truth is I probably would not have enjoyed it the way I do now. The journey of life lets you appreciate things much differently at different stages of life.

Even with this, it still doesn't feel like home...I feel like I am on a great vacation. Hopefully 5 years from now I will stink'n love this vacation.

Just Presense

I spent the evening with a rather beautiful friend. I find her to be one of the most unique people in my life. She clearly claims to be an introvert and quickly becomes overwhelmed by the commotion of too many people. Particularly those who are very imposing or seem to take over a room. At first, it seemed to me that she would run away from those situations. Too many people...too intense of a moment and she seemed to be gone. And they weren't hard moments of life but moments where it seemed that people were fighting for attention...and everyone was getting lost in it. At first I did not understand, I figured I am an extrovert and she was an introvert and that was one of those weird things introverts do. Yet, as I have come to know her and just allowed her to be...I have found that I deeply respect this tendency. She has never mentioned this but I see it as a way that she is standing up for herself. She is ok with who she is and she isn't going to fight for the attention. She won't give in to the pressure to be something she isn't. So rather than fight it she simply steps away. I never feel judgment on anyone else. Actually, I sometimes think she thinks she isn't strong enough...judging herself as having the problem but I think she is stronger than most. That she knows herself and takes the steps to protect who she is. Never judging and yet still loving.

She is full of love. She is constantly wanting to sit with people and listen. Actually, she is completely comfortable in silence. At least that has been my experience with her...we don't need to talk. We can just sit and a few words here and there but silence. I find it comfortable. I find it strong...observant. That is actually what I noticed most about tonight. How comfortable it was to just be with her. No demands...no judgments...no constant sound...just presense. I realized that she creates a large capacity for people in her life. That she creates space to just be with them. Not to analyze them or change them. Not to have them feed her but rather to just be and to love them. I find it beautiful...refreshing...and stunningly strong.

I would do well to learn from her.

Simplicity

I find myself reading a lot of books lately that make me yearn for certain aspects of life. I wonder if that is part of the drawl of literature. The ability to get lost in the words, in someone else view of the world. The way you get to see the things that we normally do in a different light. To see the mundane as something beautiful. Or the ability to be introduced to lifestyles that are beyond our ability to attain...or our want to attain them. And yet we are drawn in until we feel like we are actually living them.

I read the blogs of so many people...or at least a few...I love the way they use words to challenge your mind...or to tell the story of their life. I love it even more when people are raw...telling the stories and the emotions as they are. It helps me realize I am not so far off from this human state of simply being human.

Anyway, the two books I have been reading. Well, really I have finished one and I am on to the other one. The finished book is called "A cloister walk". It is about a protestant married woman who has decided to join a monastery for two 7 month stints. I have read books by Thomas Merton before. I find the intention behind the rituals of the monastery and catholic church to be enthralling and beautiful. I know that the only reason I see that is because I have not had to be raised in the inconsistencies and messiness of how people deface the true intentions. Protestantism probably has many beautiful things too but I have interpreted them so in my flaws so horribly they do not hold the beauty much anymore. Such is life. They are only meant to draw us towards something else so if they no longer work than they no longer work...find something that does draw me. Anyway, I love reading about her journey. Her love of the expression of words in the liturgy. Of the reading of the psalms. It has made me want to read the psalms and I have found I read them much more differently. They don't frustrate me as much. I can laugh at the absurdity of some of them and relax in the beauty of others realizing we all go through moments like this. It is an expression. And in the expression, I can find a bit of me. I can find the enjoyment of God without the judgment of others. Yet what draws me most about the stories is the simplicity...the withdrawal from the complication of the want for so many things. The desire to conquer. And find that in the simplicity...in the stillness...peace and love can be found.

The second book is called the "Elegance of the Hedgehog". This is a translation from French. About a concierge who is brilliant and yet intentionally makes herself look like the typical unintelligent concierge..ugly, blending into the background. Until a Japanese individual moves in and sees her. He is not trying to put on a show. He is not trying to be someone he is not. His apartment is decorated simply. He operates with simplicity and yet intentionally sees people. In it he sees her. I haven't finished the book...I don't know what he will drawl out. How his ability to see her will change her. However, I am hooked. I want to live simply. To not need so much but what I have to be of beauty. I want to have enough space in my life and my soul to see others.

I have realized through my move that I hate clutter. I am almost consumed by the wanting it to be clutter free. I had a friend mention that it might be because it is my way of expressing control in my life. However, after thought. I think it is because I do not feel at peace inside. I feel like I am internally a mess. I so want to be a simple creature. Without the need for much and the capacity to love and invite many. So, I transpose that to my surroundings and want the "stuff" gone. I know that I will not find much of the internal peace until I am ok with me...I do not know how to do that. Yet, maybe in the simplicity of life. In the rituals of quiet times and silence. I will hear and believe the voice that says I am worth it and I am loved. Yes, I might be messy...but it is ok. I am worth it. No need for me to prove myself. I can just be and love the life I was given.

Moving

I have decided to sell my house and move. It has been a hard decision and a long road. There are many reasons:

• Need more community
• Want to save money
• To buy a car
• Found that I am too comfortable
• Need to just change things up
• Need more community...did I say that already

Yet, it is hard. I have spent 10 years in this house. I have poured money into creating it my way. It is the first place I was truly able to make my own...to express me in. The whole place was an expression of me and the people that I have in my life.

I am now going to rent from someone else. Actually from someone who once rented from me. Quite a role reversal. I am no longer the one in control.

I have learned so much about myself in this. I have learned how much structure I truly like. I have learned how hard it is for me to release control. It has been good.

I love being at the new place and having friends and neighbors just stop in. That never happens at my current house.

I move in one week. I do not regret it. Yet, I am sad. The tears come often. Tears of saying good bye. Tears of grief. Sometimes I think it is silly to grieve a house....but I don't think it is the house. I am not really a sentimental person. Yet each time I have a visitor over and realize this is the last time they will see it...Ah the tears. I think of all my nieces and nephews that have only known this house. Still...I don't think it is the house. It is saying good bye to a season. A season I can not return to. It is saying good bye to a piece of me...a place where I can express myself.

It is hard for me to be ok with grief. I think that something is wrong and I need to fix it. I am trying hard not to let the grief turn to regret or to bottle it up. I am trying to sit in it and to let the process work.

In the same moment I grieve, I am so excited for more people...for something different. It is so odd to have two completely opposite feelings present at exactly the same moment.

Frustrations and Forgiveness

Lately, I have felt overwhelmed by frustrations I am having. At times it has swelled to the point pure anger. I hate it. At those moments, I feel like I am out of control. I know that I am making rash and probably stupid decisions because I am lashing out. Most of those around me would probably not say I have anger management issues because I bottle it up. I try really hard to not to make decisions based out of my anger. However, I absolutely hate it. I hate being frustrated and anger. I feel like it consumes me.

I have been trying hard to take moments to focus the energy other places. It has been difficult as I work alone so I get caught in my thoughts with no one to bounce them off of. I focus on a new business, dancing lessons, and trying to connect with friends. But still there are many moments I am left alone.

I find myself sitting and meditating but saying over and over again that I forgive him (or her) until I am able to release it enough to focus on sitting with God. I find it so interesting how somethings are so hard to release and other things are easy as pie. For me the easy things, are the ones everyone else would struggle with greatly like a betrayal. I think though that God has forgiven me so much. He has forgiven these people to. There is nothing done that God has not forgiven and he still loves these people that I think are so awful. If I choose to love God, does that also mean that I should find a way to forgive and love these people.

Here is the but wait....What does it mean to be ok with all my feelings? To forgive someone but to still be mad and hurt. Can I hold both? Can I be ok with feeling crazy and out of control while at the same time treating someone with love and forgiveness? Sometimes I talk myself into the fact that it is wrong to be angry...because in my anger I lose control...but I am not so sure that is true. If I really focus on it, my anger is actually hurt. I rarely get angry for others...not sure if that is good or bad. Maybe my real issue is I don't know how to be ok with being hurt.

Heartland Film Festival

Everyone always tells me that I only write in this thing when I am in Africa...well, that is usually true and I am not sure why. However, I have been having urges to write more...somehow an expression of myself...leaving a legacy as I live...I don't know.

This week in Indianapolis is Heartland Film Festival. It is where they show tons of independent films. My friend Amanda loves film and last year I was not able to join because I was in Africa. So, she would recount for me all the good bad and ugly films that I missed. This year, I am actually back for them. So, we have bought a package of tickets and are seeing a few.

Last night, we went to Amal. The summary by the film festival was

"Amal, a multi-layered portrait of contemporary India, follows an auto-rickshaw driver in New Delhi who is content with his small but vital role in the world around him. One day, he drives an eccentric billionaire who, disguised as a vagabond, is searching the streets for the last morsel of humanity--someone he can feel comfortable leaving his fortune to. With one passenger, Amal's life may change forever."

My friend did not think it was done well and rolled her eyes throughout the movie. Upon her further analysis, I will say that it did lack the good connection that she desperately wants to see. However, I was still struck by the movie.

I have been to India and I could just smell the landscape and feel the heat as they showed the images of the rickshaw and the the streets. However, I was struck most by the fact that this illiterate poor man was so content. Life was simple. In that life, he was content. He was presented as one of the few guys left in India who was honest and caring. He charged people fairly for his rickshaw rides...he sacrificed greatly for perfect strangers. His integrity and honesty ran very deep. I found myself wondering if the fact that he was content in life was what allowed him to treat people with such profound gentleness, kindness. He didn't need to get money out of them. He didn't need to badger. Life was ok...just as it was. Simple...poor...fine.

I often want to be simple. I go through many moments where I purge my house and my things. Trying to simplify...however, I still buy more things. I want it simple but with certain pleasures. I want to enjoy the moment I am in but struggle so hard to focus. In the shack (I think), there is a time where God says to stop worrying so much about the future it hasn't happened yet. Translation to me...worry about the future when it happens so much energy is concerned about the future or remembering the past that I miss the moment. And you never know...the future that you anticipate may never happen. Lately, when my mind starts going off in frustration or whatever related to the future I try to refocus on the moment I am in...the person I am talking to...the breeze as I sit....the joy of the routine of cleaning....and dang it...that really is a hard thing to do...who would have thought.

Home Again

The trip home went well...I slept very well on the plane from Bangui to Paris and then slept in the airport for 2 hours in Paris. I think that really helped me for the day yesterday because I didn't even get tired until 10 pm last night. Of course, I woke up at 6 am and I am slightly tired today but still overall the jet lag is really good.

The trip was really good....I have so much information and the guys were so receptive of me. On the last day, my Bangui accountant sat with me and we just chatted...no translator. So that means that we experimented with different words in Sango and English. I actually learned a few more phrases. Largely, I learned how to say I am excited to go home and see my friends and family....it was rather fun. Next time I go, I will need to think of a new question to learn other than how many children they have.

I must say that I am still amazed that they have so many children. It is cool that the families will adopt the children of siblings when they die. But when people have 6 - 10 children normallly and then they die and someone else has to adopt the 6 -10 children when they have 6 -10 children themselves...the compound factor causes rather sad situations. They don't have enough food to have more than one meal a day. Each African I talked to who had gone to America said the most annoying part of going to America was that all Americans have to eat when they get together. I talked to someone in the Paris airport and he was going to America. He said he has to try really hard to not gain too much weight because his family at home is not eating that much.

Anyway, I am home know...and enjoying friends and rest.

Hello

So, I know it has been a while. I did get to Bangui ok but the internet connection has basically been non existant because the electricity has been down so much. I probably do have many stories but ultimately I am just exhausted. I wish this didn't disrupt my energy level but oh well...it is hard work.

I am leaving tomorrow evening and will be home on Friday. I am so glad to be getting to go home...it will be nice to see people again.

I have received most of the budgets and that is very encouraging. I still have a few budgets to work through with my boss but he and I will not see each other until December so this will be large phone conversations....yeah! NOT.

Ok, I need to run to lunch but I wanted to say hi and to apologize for the lack of connection....I am doing well.

Bangui and 4 more days

So, the trip was pretty bad. We woke up at 2:45 and waited for the other car full of Africans. They didn't show up until 4. Then we began the long trek back to Bangui. The first half is the worst with the dirt roads and the large craters in the road. I tried to lay down in the back but it is impossible to sleep on that half. But I kept getting sick...so I would sit up to watch the road. Yet, my head was so heavy I could not hold it up so then I would lay back down again....I didn't sleep but I couldn't hold myself up. We drove on the bad roads for 6 hours and only went 124 miles. That means we were moving at an average of 20 miles per hour...talk about exhausting. Than we still had another 7 hours to go the remaining 248 miles on paved roads....it took a total of 13 hours. We arrived at 5 pm. Although on the second half, I was able to actually sleep a little in the back as the road is paved...it still has some large pot holes but paved all the same.

Than I hung out with the missionary couple in the compound we stay at. That was an interesting night...I was tired and I found myself bitting my tongue at a few comments. Still, it was very nice to have new people to hang with and not talk about work. We played cards and just enjoyed the company.

Today, I woke up read a book, finished most of the analysis of Bangui's financial records, and then I headed over to our second office to work on the internet. The internet at the compound with our housing and office is supposed to have internet but it isn't working. Which is kinda sad because I won't be able to connect as easily with friends and family.

The next 4 days will probably be a blur...I have a ton of meetings. I am leaving on Thursday in the evening....oh man, I am so excited to be home. I think my next trip (if I have one) will be 2 weeks. I am getting all the large stuff down and will just need check up trips which should require as much time. That will be nice.

Did I do that

So, today I have felt like I constant cultural fopah. At night I usually find my phone and put it beside my bed...a weird ritual and largely because all I have to do is push a button to see what time it is....rather than find my flashlight and shine it on the clock when I can't sleep. Well, last night I couldn't find it. Oh well, I told myself it is probably in the other house or on the porch...I will check tomorrow. Well, I wake up this morning and began looking for it. I couldn't find it. I asked Bob...he said he didn't know. So, I told him to tell Elise our house help to keep an eye out. I knew it couldn't have gotten far and it would show up sooner or later. We looked around one more time and I sat down to work. I do this all the time...no big deal...it will show up. Not so in this world, within ten minutes there was a little bit of activity going on. Next think I know Bob is asking me to get up and keep looking for a little bit and Farel my accountant pulled out his phone to call it. (I would have done that eventually). Well, we found it at the bottom of my trunk and all the guards, garden help, and house help were following me around looking very nervous. What I then realized is that we are in a secure fenced in area and their job is to make sure everything remains safe and nothing is stolen. If something turns up missing, they get extremely nervous that they will be blamed for it. So, they were pretty much freak'n out. I felt so bad...that was the last thing I was trying to do. I lose things all the time. Mental note....keep looking hard before you raise an alert with the workers of the house. Man...it was bad.

Today was the last day in Berberati...other than my big issue...nothing of large note. I had wrap up meetings with people and last minute conversations. I did have to have a heart to heart with one of my accountants but that even turned out good. Bob told me that they are not used to having people actually talk through perceived issues with them...usually it shows up in a meeting and the head person (that would be me) blows up and drops the hammer. He said that this went really well and hopefully they will take it to heart. I have no idea if they are used to people dealing with conflict the way I do...but it did end up fairly well given our cultural differences.

They guys want to leave at 3 in the morning. I think they are crazy but I am going to do it. Ugh. On the last trip, I slept the first 3 hours. I am not sure if I will be able to do that this time as the beginning of the trip is all the really really bad holes in the road. Oh well.....I can sleep on Saturday night and all day Sunday if I need to.

The good thing about Bangui is the pool should actually be working...I truly hope so. And 6 more days till I board a plane and 7 more days till I am home. I am really looking forward to getting back to comfortable friends. I don't mind the days here...it is just work. But at the close of the day, I wish I had a good friend to detox with...still overall the trip has gone smoothly.

Sunset

As the sun set tonight, I looked out to the sky and realized that the entire sky was orange. 360 degree rotation and the sky was entirely orange. It was beautiful. I went to get my camera that I haven't used yet and found that the battery was dead so too bad for everyone who wanted a picture. Still...the sunsets here are by far one of the most beautiful things...to look out over the land with the jagged trees....it is quite amazing.

Went over another budget with the Berberati administration this morning. I wasn't very impressed. They forgot numereous things, padded stuff all over the place, miscalculated...it was sad because my berberati accountant was part of the team. He does great at recording things and documenting but truly he nor the administrative head can forecast worth anything. I even have them forecast out each month of cash flow...they are never right. I have no idea how to teach them....I have tried and it doesn't appear to be sinking in. I know everyone has strengths and weaknesses but I do expect a little better in this category for accountants. Oh well, one step at a time...maybe an ah ha moment will happen. Still...they are definitely better than some of the people I worked with in the government...I probably shouldn't have said that...my old boss actually reads this :)

Other than that, I started to pull all the information for budgets I have received to date together...some things look great and other things look scary. Again, I will just have to dialogue with the Africans and see how we want to handle it. Together we will decide what we can afford and not...that part is fun to be able to give them some control...trying to find the answer with limited funds...that isn't fun.

Tomorrow is my last day in Berberati...the pool never worked and I gotten eatten alive this time...but I worked every day on a veranda and accomplished a lot...so all and all a productive two weeks. One more week and then I board a plane to come home.

Nothing Grand

Today has been pretty low key. I have worked with my accountants to discuss a few things like getting all of our accounts in line and doing better documentaion in memo lines. All that boring accounting stuff.

I walked by the pool today. It is still only half full. Three weeks of trying to fill it and only half full. I am totally positive there is a leak but oh well...there is a pool in Bangui.

Reading Friday Night Knitting Club in down times and getting eaten alive today. So, just a dull day in Africa.