Simplicity

I find myself reading a lot of books lately that make me yearn for certain aspects of life. I wonder if that is part of the drawl of literature. The ability to get lost in the words, in someone else view of the world. The way you get to see the things that we normally do in a different light. To see the mundane as something beautiful. Or the ability to be introduced to lifestyles that are beyond our ability to attain...or our want to attain them. And yet we are drawn in until we feel like we are actually living them.

I read the blogs of so many people...or at least a few...I love the way they use words to challenge your mind...or to tell the story of their life. I love it even more when people are raw...telling the stories and the emotions as they are. It helps me realize I am not so far off from this human state of simply being human.

Anyway, the two books I have been reading. Well, really I have finished one and I am on to the other one. The finished book is called "A cloister walk". It is about a protestant married woman who has decided to join a monastery for two 7 month stints. I have read books by Thomas Merton before. I find the intention behind the rituals of the monastery and catholic church to be enthralling and beautiful. I know that the only reason I see that is because I have not had to be raised in the inconsistencies and messiness of how people deface the true intentions. Protestantism probably has many beautiful things too but I have interpreted them so in my flaws so horribly they do not hold the beauty much anymore. Such is life. They are only meant to draw us towards something else so if they no longer work than they no longer work...find something that does draw me. Anyway, I love reading about her journey. Her love of the expression of words in the liturgy. Of the reading of the psalms. It has made me want to read the psalms and I have found I read them much more differently. They don't frustrate me as much. I can laugh at the absurdity of some of them and relax in the beauty of others realizing we all go through moments like this. It is an expression. And in the expression, I can find a bit of me. I can find the enjoyment of God without the judgment of others. Yet what draws me most about the stories is the simplicity...the withdrawal from the complication of the want for so many things. The desire to conquer. And find that in the simplicity...in the stillness...peace and love can be found.

The second book is called the "Elegance of the Hedgehog". This is a translation from French. About a concierge who is brilliant and yet intentionally makes herself look like the typical unintelligent concierge..ugly, blending into the background. Until a Japanese individual moves in and sees her. He is not trying to put on a show. He is not trying to be someone he is not. His apartment is decorated simply. He operates with simplicity and yet intentionally sees people. In it he sees her. I haven't finished the book...I don't know what he will drawl out. How his ability to see her will change her. However, I am hooked. I want to live simply. To not need so much but what I have to be of beauty. I want to have enough space in my life and my soul to see others.

I have realized through my move that I hate clutter. I am almost consumed by the wanting it to be clutter free. I had a friend mention that it might be because it is my way of expressing control in my life. However, after thought. I think it is because I do not feel at peace inside. I feel like I am internally a mess. I so want to be a simple creature. Without the need for much and the capacity to love and invite many. So, I transpose that to my surroundings and want the "stuff" gone. I know that I will not find much of the internal peace until I am ok with me...I do not know how to do that. Yet, maybe in the simplicity of life. In the rituals of quiet times and silence. I will hear and believe the voice that says I am worth it and I am loved. Yes, I might be messy...but it is ok. I am worth it. No need for me to prove myself. I can just be and love the life I was given.