Sick Thoughts

Last night, I was drinking my regular cup of tea when I noticed this roughness in my throat. That twinge of discomfort that usually signals a cold coming on.

Throughout the night, I kept waking up wanting to wash down whatever was rough and to blow out my nose all the liquid that was building up.

Today, I have found that my head is feeling like a knife is logged through my temporal and sticking out both sides.

I have already had my seasonal sickness in September. What in the world has gotten into my body.

The problem with being sick is that I have no motivation to work. It is hard to focus. So, I crawl into bed and try to sleep. My problem is that I can't sleep...so I think.

I think about weird things...the last Dexter movie...the sounds in the house that make me think someone is in the house...

I think about busy things...I have so much to do...heck, I even called the garage door guys bc the remote needs to be fixed (why did I do that when I am sick).

I think about deep things...the problem with my deep things is that I feel like I am thinking and like I am NOT thinking at the same time. I think about the fact that we are all so selfish...I think often of myself. What does it mean to extend Grace to others. I have often been told it means to bend over and love those who do wrong to us. Love being that we put up with it. The agitated words that tear me down and make me angry. Just love the person in response. I am beginning to wonder what does it mean to love someone but not to say I will stand here and let you abuse me. You may use all the Christian words but you are still abusing me. I love you but I will not respond to the abuse or remain in its path. How does one do that?

I think about who God is...what do I believe. I get bored with all the same old stories. Same old responses. Sometimes I wonder if I even believe in Him. I feel caught in a conundrum of things that make sense and things that just don't. I know I get the responses of humans mixed with the responses of God and I don't know how to separate.

But I am sick...and my thoughts just ramble.