Ice Cream

Almost every day in Africa, I have drowned out the quietness or lack of interaction with a TV show that I brought with me. I finished three seasons of Dexter after everyone has left for the day and I sit by myself or on the weekends when there is little to do.

Today, I chose not to watch anything. I simply worked on preparing for the upcoming week and reading a book. I was still...the problem with being still is sometimes you realize things.

I have begun to realize that I have so much to do in the next two months. I have to finish setting up the new system (that I came here to train the guys on) so that we are ready to "go live" with it in January/February timeframe. I have to pull together the budget for next year (while this will be a joint effort I still know it will take a ton of my energy). I have to finish up the reports for the year. I have to prepare for next year's audit (ICDI's first audit). All of that while maintaining the daily emergencies and money management, which in and of itself is a full time job.

All of this overwhelms me...honestly, it makes me not want to work. I want to run away. However, I didn't run away. I actually focused a little today because I knew that I could not waist my time...still I want to disappear, pick a different life.

Sometimes I tell people what I do...they often are impressed. I don't get it. Internally, I roll my eyes. Truly, it is a job. There is nothing special about it. I, just like everyone else, have the opportunity in my day to day operations to encourage, empower, love, and spread warmth. Just because my job results in clean water for people doesn't make it any more impressive. It is how we love the people in front of us. My job is frustrating...pisses me off...can be fun...is an adventure...rewarding...hurts...brings joy...all of the things any job can be. Today it feels overwhelming and I have felt that in other jobs.

To deal with all of that tension...I decided that I would get ice cream. I walked to the grand cafe. Trampled the red dirt to a freezing cold patisserie called the "Grand Cafe". Spent $1 on a single scoop of Chocolate ice cream...selected from the vast number of flavors: Coconut, Vanilla, and Chocolate. Slowly ate each bit, enjoying the flavor as each spoonful rested in my mouth.

In the guest house, I decided to call a friend, eat some spaghetti, and read a book.

Sometimes, it is good to not have something to drown out your day. To really see that you are trying to run away and to face it. At least for a little bit, then to realize that there is more to life and rather than be overwhelmed I need to feel the world around me and enjoy a small bowl of ice cream.