So, my travel plans consist of leaving my house at 12:45 pm on Tuesday, departing indianapolis for detroit at 2:49, arriving detroit at 4:01, leaving detroit at 9:30, arriving in Paris at 10:30 am on Wednesday, going to a hotel to sleep for a few hours, leaving Paris at 11:30 pm, and arriving in Bangui, Africa at 4:55 am on Thursday. Needless to say I am exhausted.
In Indy, I bought one of the fancy tempur-pedic pillows. It came in handy b/c the trip to Paris I got two seats and was able to sort of lay across them and get better sleep. The pillow was fantastic. I have to also say that the detroit airport was one of the best airports I have ever been in...clean, fancy, beautiful....only problem was it was along layover.
Now, down to the honesty part. Every time I take one of these trips I really struggle emotionally. I am excited by it but usually overwhelmed and really wanting to go home. I have learned a bit of why and they are all lies but I hate it. On the last trip, I had my melt down a week before I left. So, I think I was able to sort through everything (or a good part of it). This time it didn't really hit until the night before I left. Which means this entire "traveling" trip I have been so raw. I hate it because it isn't me...I want adventure. I love it. Yet, each time I go I get ripped apart. I have been praying a lot more than usual (should I admit such a thing). I feel like I can't breathe and that I have to beg God to just hold my head above the water. Oh how I hate it because logically it doesn't make any sense.
It makes me wonder is it courageous that I go inspite of myself or if I am too afraid to admit failure that keeps me going.
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I went out of town a lot for various reasons this summer and I noticed myself feeling depressed and overwhelmed a lot of the time. I don't totally know why it was happening but it seemed to do with not being able to see my friends for several days (all but one overnight trip out of town was for work or was with my family). I also think it had to do with some residual issues from a depression that I was in last year (but that's a whole other story). Basically I'm trying to say that I can relate. I pray that you have peace during your travels.
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