Translation and exhaustion

The accountant from Bangui drove over to Berberati to meet with me and the new accountant we hired. We then began work through explaining the current accounting processes and developing up new ones that will better position ICDI to meet its goals. Of course, they spoke little English and since we are dealing with precise terms and understanding I needed to again work through a translator. Although I love working on the tasks and goals in front of us, I have found myself very exhausted. I am excited about creating processes and getting this thing working efficiently (weird I know). So, I find myself working late, waking early to a stupid rooster, and then concentrating very hard to overcome the communication barrier and work through differences in cultural definitions. By the end, I am exhausted.

Yesterday, I found myself realizing that my stink’n patterns present themselves in Africa. I give so much to my job that I disregard my personal needs. I am exhausted physically and mentally and I don’t have the right support around emotionally. Now I am not saying that my teammates (co-workers) are not beautiful and supportive people…but I don’t have a long relationship with them and I am not yet able to lean emotionally on them….so at the end of the day I found myself overwhelmed with emotion and no output.

I will say that skype is an absolute blessing here…I was able to call a good friend and just cry out a little bit of exhaustion and yearning for those who knew me…it feels sort of selfish but it was what I wanted possibly needed.

My co-worker, Bob, once told me that for years he did ministry and never needed God. What an interesting concept? Ministry without God but it is so true for many people. Here I was nervous about coming to Africa so I was praying fairly regularly. I get here and find that I have a good function that I can accomplish and get excited about…even enjoy. So, I jump right in and stop praying as much…I don’t need God…I know how to do this, right? Amazing how when I know I can do it…God isn’t in the forefront. Probably why some of these African’s get the relationship with God so much deeper than I have even thought to think about….they don’t have as many resources…as many things to depend on or disappear in. I don’t judge that it is any better or worse I just recognize the ability that it has to hinder.