Home Sweet Home

I arrived home on Friday. The flight was relatively uneventful. Although, sitting on the plane in Paris...everyone on board and an airport worker comes on board and asks me for my baggage claim. Of course, Jim (my boss) had handed me a suitcase with broken equipment in it for me to transport back to the states. I had no idea what those items were so I was getting a little nervous that I would have to explain the contents. Fortunately, they couldn't read the numbers on their paper and just wanted to confirm they had the right baggage.

I feel very different after this trip. I sat in Starbucks on Sunday talking with a friend just crying over the things I was feeling. I usually don't react like that....probably because I used to put this wall of protection or false strength around me and this time I just don't have the energy. I remember coming back from India just glad to be back and really not having any desire to go back. This time my heart just hurt.

A friend had sent me an email with an article about the prostitution in Bolivia (which she visited). The article mentioned that in Bolivia prostitution is legal and the prostitutes were striking which meant they didn't go in for their regular STD checkups. They were striking b/c of the harassment from those trying to make it illegal. Harassment that had taken transvestites and prostitutes stripped them naked and made them stand their and watch them burn everything they had. At the end of the article, the organization of prostitutes responded that of course they didn't want to be prostitutes...that is not their dream job. They just can not afford to feed their family. They are simply fighting for the ability to make some money to feed the family.

Then I read about Darfur and some more about Congo...I replace the images of those people with the faces of those I have meet. They don't live that far from the genocide and war. I remember the children I meet with reddish hair that indicates that are malnourished. The villages that don't have clean water. The aged faces of those who have had to survive in this harsh country. The excitement the solders as we gave them pens, a simple BIC pen. Our cook who begged for a full time job...and I wish we had a need to provide him a full time job.

And my heart just aches...I walked away from this trip most with the realization that these people are just like you and me...they are people. It is so easy to dehumanize them. To not see their emotion, their hurt. I watched them laugh, get frustrated, be tired, hurt, learn, be hungry....just like me. I watched children giggle, cop an attitude, play... the difference is they live in poverty and I could never imagine what it feels like to be that powerless.

A book "a billion bootstraps" talks about families that have to sell children just to feed other children...they have to pick between two evils. They hate it...they try to find another way but in the end the only solution is to pick one child. Can you imagine having to pick a child? A child you love...you created...just to feed the other children.

I realize that this is where Jesus is. That the breaking of my heart is actually God instilling his broken heart into mine...these are just a few drops of his tears.

So then I am sitting around and checking CNN.com. There is a quick blurb about the presidential candidates. So I thought, what the heck I never research what these candidates stand for...you got time...(and man there are a lot of candidates). I looked through a good amount. I found the republicans usually stood the same on the issues and the Democrats also stood the same on their issues. In reading them (pathetically for the first time in my life), I realized I don't resonate hardly at all with the republican opinion. They all stand on almost three topics increase the military, protect our borders, and against homosexuals. They were almost silent on the issues of poverty and the treatment of human kind in other countries. The democratic candidates all had comments about Darfur, poverty and impoverished countries, and the marginalized (women, elderly, children). Other than the point of abortion, my heart just resounded with most of the issues that the democratic party stood for. My point here is not about the presidential campaign. Although, I am fairly certain I no longer stand with the republican party. My point is I figured out in my heart what I want to fight for and it isn't about protecting our wealth (or borders) or furthering war. It is about defending those who can not defend themselves, about walking with those who are in poverty, about seeing people as God created people and helping them reach the potential God created them to be....and I don't want to sit idle either...coasting along in my wealth.

I want to weep for those God weeps for. I want to let my life be an expression of his love. And I don't want to just talk it...I want to live it. I just pray I have the strength to do that.

By the way, I don't plan on stopping this blog just because I have returned...actually I am going to the Dominican Republic on the 8th to discuss micro enterprise loans and a partnership to help us expand this in Africa. I plan to continue to let you hear my heart as I struggle with what it means to live this life God has given me.