Moving

I have decided to sell my house and move. It has been a hard decision and a long road. There are many reasons:

• Need more community
• Want to save money
• To buy a car
• Found that I am too comfortable
• Need to just change things up
• Need more community...did I say that already

Yet, it is hard. I have spent 10 years in this house. I have poured money into creating it my way. It is the first place I was truly able to make my own...to express me in. The whole place was an expression of me and the people that I have in my life.

I am now going to rent from someone else. Actually from someone who once rented from me. Quite a role reversal. I am no longer the one in control.

I have learned so much about myself in this. I have learned how much structure I truly like. I have learned how hard it is for me to release control. It has been good.

I love being at the new place and having friends and neighbors just stop in. That never happens at my current house.

I move in one week. I do not regret it. Yet, I am sad. The tears come often. Tears of saying good bye. Tears of grief. Sometimes I think it is silly to grieve a house....but I don't think it is the house. I am not really a sentimental person. Yet each time I have a visitor over and realize this is the last time they will see it...Ah the tears. I think of all my nieces and nephews that have only known this house. Still...I don't think it is the house. It is saying good bye to a season. A season I can not return to. It is saying good bye to a piece of me...a place where I can express myself.

It is hard for me to be ok with grief. I think that something is wrong and I need to fix it. I am trying hard not to let the grief turn to regret or to bottle it up. I am trying to sit in it and to let the process work.

In the same moment I grieve, I am so excited for more people...for something different. It is so odd to have two completely opposite feelings present at exactly the same moment.